Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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