Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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