guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
