he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
