dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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