Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
