so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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