People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
