how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I want to have your abortion
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
