I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
