proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
