It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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