Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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