Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
