I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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