Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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