Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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