I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
