Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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