chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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