those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
