Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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