i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
