We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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