Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
