I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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