thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
