When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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