yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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