I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
