You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
