dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
