dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
