I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
