Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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