she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize