I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
