the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
