I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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