standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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