There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
