i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
