i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
