Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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