Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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