so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
