I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
