Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
