When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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