i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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