Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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