he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
