no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
