Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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