No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
