He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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