you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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