just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
