i will never coherently bang her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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