Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my being single is dangerous.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
