i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
