Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
