I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
