im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
