I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
