the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
