she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
