perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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