I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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