oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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