I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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