dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
