She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
