What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
