I wannas sexs uuuuu
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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