nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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