C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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