I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
