i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
