I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
