if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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