I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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